A note on the text: Our hero in the story is a shape shifting love creature, neither male nor female, and yet both, depending on what needs suit it.

A note on the illustrations: Every part of our story is represented visually by Rusty Spell and Carrie Hoffman, neither of which the story is actually about.

A note on the songs: It helps the story if you listen to the songs, but it doesn't help if you listen too closely.

ABBA: WHEN I KISSED THE TEACHER
In which our hero, at a young age, has her first crush on her math teacher.

THE ARCHIES: SUGAR SUGAR
In which puppy love hits our teenage hero in all its candy-like glory.

DARLENE LOVE: A FINE, FINE BOY
In which our hero, though still young, graduates from puppy love to an elementary version of the real thing.

MORPHINE: SUPER SEX
In which our hero learns what happens when a man and a woman love each other very much.  And what happens is this: they knock boots.

THE FOLK IMPLOSION: SLAP ME
In which our hero decides there is even more fun to be had, now gallivanting around the globe like a playboy.

ANDREW LLOYD WEBBER: LOVE CHANGES EVERYTHING
In which our hero falls for a girl, the girl leaves him, he ignores the girl for a while, decides he still loves the girl, hooks up with another girl anyway, goes back to see the first girl, the second girl doesn't seem to mind so much except in a friendly compassionate sort of way, our hero suffers and speaks of the power of love.  More or less.

BELLE AND SEBASTIAN: IF YOU FIND YOURSELF CAUGHT IN LOVE
In which our hero, having sown his wild oats and finally gotten over the previous love and leaving the fill-in girl, finds himself caught in love and thanks providence for it, encouraging others to do the same, or, if need be, to ask providence to provide them with a love of their own.

ERASURE: GOODNIGHT
In which our hero enters a sad phase of his life in which he must part ways with his love for a number of years, having only the telephone to connect them, hoping that she's dreaming of him at night.

DON WILLIAMS: LAY DOWN BESIDE ME
In which our hero and his lover have reunited and married.  Several years have passed and the couple has settled into a deep love.

LOU REED: I LOVE YOU
In which a few more years have passed and some additional world-weary sadness has entered our hero's voice, causing the love to resonate all the more and mingle itself with life at large.