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From the Desk of Rusty Spell
Doctor Who?
(12-5-07) We have a thing we do around here. When something
new comes out, we don't enjoy the new thing: we let the new thing serve
as a reminder of the old thing and enjoy that thing instead. Noby
Nobriga pioneered this concept back in 1992 when Meat Loaf's Bat Out
of Hell II album came out (featuring the hit single "I'd Do Anything
for Love") and he took the opportunity to buy the first Bat Out of
Hell instead of the new one. It just makes sense.
So when the new Dr. Who series came
out a couple of years ago, and when it became available recently for me
to watch instantly on my Netflix account... I decided to watch the
original Dr. Who from 1963 and go in order.
I know that there are like thirty years
worth of shows, but I'm in no hurry. It's just a fun way to pass
twenty minutes during the day. But I have become insistent that I
watch them in order. Lots of them I can Netflix or "watch now" on
Netflix. When I can't do that, I turn to YouTube. When
they're not there, I find some nerds (thanks, nerds!) who have uploaded
them as torrent files. This is the first time in my life I've
actually used a torrent file. (I was opposed to them for a long
time just because I got sick of hearing the word torrent every
day, but that has passed.) And, since lots of Dr. Who episodes are
missing (thanks to the BBC being sloppy in the olden days), I even watch
"reconstructions" that nerds have made where they use surviving audio
and match it up with snapshots (thanks again, nerds!).
Now who's the nerd? Me. But
that's okay too, because -- at age 32, as someone comfortable in their
skin with a hot wife by his side -- there's no reason not to be nerdy.
I feel that I've established myself and built up some nerd rights.
Now who's the nerd? Not me. I just got a "get out of
nerd free" card. See how I did that? In fact, I watch Dr.
Who because I am precisely cool enough to do so. And I
can write about watching the show here, just because I feel like it.
Man, do I rule.
Computer Joke Over the Bass Drum
(6-21-07) This seems so obvious that it probably already exists
already, but... new joke I made up:
Q: What is the most profane part of a
computer system?
A: The cursor.
Christopher Hitchens / Imagine: No
Religion
(5-7-07) From seeing Christopher Hitchens on all the cool chat shows
over the past two or three years, I figured I might like his books.
And I was right. Sometimes I like people simply because I agree
with them a lot because agreeing is fun. Bill Maher is one of
those. But I like Christopher Hitchens for different reasons.
I do agree with a lot of what he says, though not all of it.
(Disagreeing is also fun.) I mostly like him for his delivery.
The way he delivers words is funny and smart and logical (if a little
messy when speaking--but not writing). And I like him because he
can't be clearly labeled. He's certainly not one of the big two:
liberal and conservative. He's unique, as all people should be
(and as all people truly are, though not usually in presentation).
I think I first became interested in
him when he attacked Mother Theresa. It made sense to me.
"Yeah, I'm sick of hearing how great she is. What has she done for
me lately?" He wrote a pamphlet called The Missionary Position:
Mother Theresa in Theory and Practice. Funny, funny.
I decided to start with his newest
book, God Is Not Great: How Religion Poisons Everything.
I'm in the middle of chapter four and I'm digging. The title says
what it's about. It's interesting how I agree with almost
everything he's written (so far), only from the other end.
Christopher Hitchens says that if someone believes that there is a being
who created the world and who has a personal interest in that someone,
then that someone should be constantly happy and content, not the
opposite, and not always trying to force everyone else to believe
exactly like they do. Amen! Since I can remember, even
though I've always believed in God, I've been constantly bombarded and
annoyed by people who insist I believe in what they do. And when I
say something like, "I already believe in God," the response is
something like, "Well, you sure don't seem to." I am happy
and content with God, and I'm a a lonely member of the church called
Leave Me the Fuck Alone and I Won't Fuck With You Either.
Hitchens talks about how religion
basically screws the world up in significant ways. Take, as a
small and recent and local example, the vaccine for the human
papillomavirus (HPV) which immunizes women against cervical cancer.
Some religious and political forces in America opposed the vaccine
because it apparently encouraged premarital sex. Here's how
Hitchens sums it up: "To accept the spread of cervical cancer in the
name of god is no different, morally or intellectually, from sacrificing
these women on a stone altar and thanking the deity for giving us the
sexual impulse and then condemning it."
It seems that if God could choose
between (A) everyone believing in him or (B) everyone losing their
religion, then he would pick B. Here's what religion is like.
Say God is a professor who teaches composition. He desperately
wants people to learn to write better, to be more creative in their
ideas, to be more logical, to have a good sense of organization, of
style, of rhythm, of fun, etc. At the end of a lecture about
writing, he adds casually, "Make sure your papers are stapled when you
turn them in." One student asks if paperclips are okay.
"Fine, those will do," God the English professor says as he's walking
out the door. A big discussion arises in the class after the
professor has gone: "Do we use staples or paperclips?" "He said
staples." "Yes, but then he said paperclips." "He wouldn't
change his mind about something like that. He must want one or the
other." "Eat my ass, Stapleite!" "Screw you, Cliperene!"
Fights break out. When the papers are eventually turned in, no one
having much worked on them, they are really shitty. So the
students didn't learn anything about writing, but they sure as hell
held to their convictions about whether the papers should be stapled or
paperclipped!
Except, in real life, it's even more
absurd and evil than this example. [I did, here, have a big list
of these absurdities and evils, but they began to depress me and I
didn't want them to sit here depressing you. Let's just say that
they ranged from silly observances to bigger things like murder, rape,
humiliation, and the worst things you could possibly think of doing to
humans -- others or yourself -- in the name of God.]
I used to not understand Atheism.
I understood not believing in God perfectly well; it only makes sense
not to. But I didn't understand how someone could be adamant about
not believing in something. I used to say it would be like
adamantly not believing in Santa Claus. So what if he's not real:
who is it hurting to believe in him? But then I eventually
realized that believing in God does hurt people... badly.
Christopher Hitchens mentions atrocities in America, the Middle East,
and across the world that have happened in God's name -- which are
obviously the most brutal -- but even in my safe little personal life, I
know that the whole God thing has ruined a lot of things for me.
God himself hasn't, but all the shit surrounding him has. If I
placed the positives and negatives of my God life on balancing beams,
I'm not sure which side would weigh more. But if I had to choose
between (A) not knowing anything about God or (B) making all the
religion in the world being magically wiped away, I might have to go
with B. Maybe not for myself, but for the good of humanity.
Now, go read my "Bible Stories"
comic.
Hey, Look, the Dungeons and
Dragons Ride!
(4-6-07) Here's a tip. If you're ever writing a script or
story or anything, and you write the line "Because if I did, I'd be no
better than you are," you're lazy.
I'm watching the Dungeons and Dragons
cartoon on DVD, which was in my top five cartoons growing up. (The
Smurfs and The Misadventures of Ed Grimly were two of my
other favorites.) There's an episode where they are finally able
to defeat Venger, but Hank doesn't, spouting off the line above.
And then Dungeon Master says to Hank, "This is your first step toward
home." First step? What have they been doing all
these other episodes? Dungeon Master is just leading the kids on a
wild goose chase, teasing them with glimpses of the amusement park.
Sometimes he seems worse than Venger, who certainly does deserve
to die.
Anyway, I do know why the kids were
sent to the realm in the first place. It's because they broke in
line for the ride. This is their extreme punishment.
Bible Stories (and Random Talkin'
'Bout Creation Stories)
(3-25-07) I tell ya, the way the Bible is composed makes it
difficult to tell just one story in my Bible Stories comic. As soon as
we hit Chapter 2 of the first book, we already have it saying,
basically, "Or maybe this is how it happened..."
Chapter 1 does the whole six days of creation thing. 1. Light and
dark (which isn't necessarily related to the sun, of course). 2. Water
and sky. 3. Land and vegetation. 4. Sun and moon. 5. Air creatures and
water creatures. 6. Land creatures and man and woman (at the same time).
7. Superbowl weekend.
Chapter 2 (which really should begin in the middle of Verse 4
of Chapter 1--these chapter separations are pretty arbitrary sometimes)
starts completely over and says that everything was basically done in
one day. At the beginning, the earth has water and land but no
vegetation. Then man (not woman) is created from the dust. Then God
plants the garden (Eden, vegetation) and puts man there. Then he creates
animals (in order to find a friend for Adam). He can't find a suitable
partner for the man with the animals, so he puts him to sleep, takes out
a rib, and makes the woman.
So if someone says they're a Creationist, what is it that they
actually believe? Is it just that the world was created at all (if so,
that makes sense), or is it some of this specific stuff of how if
it was created, and -- if so -- which version is correct? You can't just
say "The Bible is correct," because the Bible itself gives you two
versions.
I guess I'm wondering what people are getting in huffs about when
they oppose the idea of the Big Bang, evolution, etc. The Bible seems
purposefully wishy-washy, in the best of ways. Myths are lovely: they
give you everything you need in a profound way without having to worry
about science or correctness. Myths are more truthful than truth.
I actually prefer Native American creation stories to just about all
of the others. I like the gods making people out of mud, corn, etc.,
failing at it, trying different materials, trying to get it right. They
seem more truthful, down to earth, and helpful. Listen to this, just for
how cool the language and tone is of a Native American creation story:
"Yes, indeed. In this world there was no one at all. Always the sun
came up; always he went in. No one in the morning gave him sacred meal;
no one gave him prayer sticks; it was very lonely."
One of my favorite parts of almost any work of literature is
from the Mesopotamian story of the flood from The Epic of Gilgamesh
(which pre-dates the flood story of Noah). The god Enlil wants to
destroy humans (because they're too noisy), but another god Ea saves
Utnapishtim and his wife by telling them to build a boat. When everyone
else is destroyed, but one is saved, Enlil gets upset, but then Ea gets
even more upset and says to Enlil:
"Lay upon the sinner his sin,
Lay upon the transgressor his transgression,
Punish him a little when he breaks loose,
Do not drive him too hard or he perishes;
Would that a lion had ravaged mankind
Rather than the flood,
Would that a wolf have ravaged mankind
Rather than the flood,
Would that famine had wasted the world
Rather than the flood,
Would that pestilence had wasted mankind
Rather than the flood."
Of course, the God of Genesis also repented of ever causing the
flood, but everyone just focuses on the rainbow (a pretty distraction)
because of the non-Biblical idea that God doesn't make mistakes or
change his mind. But that's not until Chapter 8 and I'm still trying to
force Chapter 1 and 2 together for the purposes of my unified story.
You'd be surprised at how difficult it is to arrive at a dumb punch line
in a four-panel comic.
Ever Have Chase Dreams?
(3-8-07) This morning I was dreaming of a movie that is a cross
between Spielberg's Duel and Romero's Dawn of the Dead
(but better than both). One of the screenwriters was Noam Chomsky.
Rusty Talks About Updates
(1-28-07) Here's where I talk about my web pages, in order of most
recently-updated to least:
Rusty Likes Music
I like the organizational parts of
this page. I like being able to look at all the bands I have in a
glance. Sometimes it helps more than looking directly at my CD
collection when I want something to listen to, especially if I want to
pull out something I haven't though about listening to in a while.
I like having my CD collection listed, and the album chronology comes in
handy. What I don't like as much anymore is writing reviews.
I have nothing to say about music other than I like it or don't like it.
My favorite reviews to write are for greatest hits albums, because I can
judge those effectively, whether they're put together well or not.
I can tell you the best one to get. If I get too bored with
writing reviews, I'll continue updating the organizational parts of the
page and suspend any further reviews until I get in the mood again.
Rusty Likes Movies
I do, however, like writing movie
reviews. I've been a fiend about it lately. I'm better at
writing reviews than I used to be, though sometimes I just fart out a
turd review if I have nothing to say. From anyone, I think movie
reviews can be fine, but music reviews are harder to do.
We Like Media
A slightly-dead site these days with
the exception of my weekly prejudgments. The most recent articles
(from Tommy, Noby, and Jason) were from almost half a year ago;
they only feel "new" because time is speeding up. I haven't
written anything since my "Baby Got Back" thing from well over a year
ago. I do have an idea for a new VH1 list though, so maybe I'll
propose that soon. I still like this site and have hope for it
being rejuvenated. Maybe someone new will start writing.
Rusty Spell's Photo Album
Still fun to do this. It's
probably my most popular site for strangers to look at and enjoy.
I get compliments from people I don't know about it. I guess
everyone really just likes the internet with pictures.
Envision
This site serves its purpose. I
haven't made a DVD since August, which isn't that long ago. I have
to be in a DVD mood, and I probably will be soon. Rusty Spell's
Videoland series is coming next. Fun with stuff from 1997 and
onward!
Love and Letters Music / 'nikcuS
Productions / 'nikcuS Productions Merchandise
Can you believe I haven't released
anything musical since April 2006? The last full-length I did was
Jun 2005. Remember when I'd release an average of two albums a
month or something like that? I've by no means quit writing music,
just having a bit of a break from it.
The Distant Plastic Treehouse
Eh, I'm not sure why I maintain this
anymore, though I guess I do have a pretty good discography and I've
been complimented on the accuracy of my lyrics. Apparently, people
use it as a resource, so I'll keep being nice.
Rusty's Art
This is fine too, though it's never
been anything near comprehensive. Apparently it's been a little
over a year since I've done a Carrie comic.
The Prolifics Bookstore
Guess how many books I've sold with
my self-publishing thing: zero. The last story I wrote was Dec
2005. I haven't quit that either, but sometimes it feels like it.
Believe it or not, it still feels like I need a break from grad school.
Also, it feels like work. I'll have to start writing new stuff
again soon though, since my back catalog is getting all published up.
Noby and Rusty's Games
Got my list of board games here,
which I've actually been updating, though I never inform anyone of that.
There have been new things Noby's done with game stuff too, but I
haven't included any of that info here. I still think this site
does okay for what it is, though.
The USA Rheostatics Page
This thing has been around for well
over ten years, so I'll never get rid of it. It's easy enough to
keep accurate since I only update it when a new album is released (and I
still haven't written a review for the new one). It's pretty much
the oldest thing on the internet. It's a treasure.
DUSKBUSTERS! Productions
The least-looked-at page I have, even
less than the 'nikcuS Productions merchandise page (though, in the 'nSProdmerch's
defense, most people don't use the front page to buy albums, so it's
hard to tell). No one, since 1989, has cared about the
DUSKBUSTERS!, and no one ever will. Except Matt Little and April
Norris. In many ways, this is the funniest page I have.
Rusty Spell Dot Com
Almost six years old in this form,
almost twelve years old in its original "Rusty Spell Experience" form.
I dig it. MySpace hasn't killed it completely yet, like Wal-Mart
stamping out the coolest store in town. I hope everyone keeps
looking at my crap.
Thanks Guy Who Knows Everything!
(1-12-07) We walked down a few streets that have a lot of restaurants
and ended up eating Tai food, my friend's favorite. I only ate a little
of mine since my stomach still hurt, but I got to take it home for later
and best surprise of all? My friend paid! Sometimes things in life
really do work out!
PS: my stomach's better now.
I live to serve.
Dear Guy Who Knows Everything...
(1-11-07) I am having lunch in an hour with a friend who likes Indian
food, but today my stomach sort of hurts, so I don't really think I can
handle the spices. I suggested going to a Malaysian place nearby but
just found out that it closed down. Should I take the risk
of eating spicy food or should we break into the Malaysian place and use
their kitchen to make ham sandwiches? Thanks.
Dear reader,
Sorry I didn't get to you sooner since your problem is already finished
by virtue of over one hour passing. This, too, I know. My
answer would have been to go to a third place, neither Indian nor
Malaysian. The friend would have been fine with most any
suggestion since your stomach hurt and since the friend wasn't an
asshole or anything. Feel free to let the Guy Who Knows Everything
know what you did... even though I know already.
Happy New Year, To All My
Favorite Monkeyspanks
(1-7-07) If anyone has anything
they want me to talk about here for the new year, let me know.
Email me. It'll cost you one line
and five seconds and it'll give you something to read. I also can
magically transform the "Rusty Talks" page into an advice column called
"Ask the Guy Who Knows Everything" and you can ask a character, who is
not me (since I "lose myself" in my characters, as it were), and he will
answer whatever question you have. You'll be surprised.
Most of the time I feel like an
adult, but then I find myself playing my Snoopy vs. the Red Baron
computer game for a few hours a day and watching a DVD of the Dungeons
and Dragons animated series from 1983, and then I realize that only an
adult would do those two things, so I'm safe.
Did I mention you were all my
favorite monkeyspanks?
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